40 before 40

Beyond recovering from childhood trauma, I’ve not had much life experience that I feel is worth talking about. It’s depressing.

I want to do more than recover from trauma. I want to live life on purpose, rather than just because my mother decided I should be born.

The “Things Before Age” lists were really popular ages ago for bloggers. I don’t know if they still are. 🤷‍♀️

When I created my own back then, I didn’t have agency over my life and was surrounded by extremely unsupportive people.

Creating this list for myself now, these things actually feel possible now that I’ve let go of hyper-critical people.

Note: These are not “goals”; they’re aspirations/wants.

Things I want to have

1. A found family/support system 💖
2. A gaming laptop for The Sims 4
3. A MacBook
4. A new car
5. A second cat
6. A wardrobe that feels like me/lets me express myself more
7. Local friends I can hang out with
8. Zero debt

Things I want to do

1. Bake bread
2. Change my legal name
3. Decide whether I do want to be a parent & go through steps for that to happen
4. Dye my hair an unnatural color (completely or part)
5. Move out of the Bible Belt
6. Picnic
7. Restore my self-care & hygiene stock
8. Shop at a farmer’s market
9. Start a tradition
10. Stop being so controlled by food (anorexia)
11. Teach Galaxy how to play fetch better/fully

Recreation

1. Be an extra in a movie/TV show
2. Decorate my home with DIY decor
3. Dye my hair an unnatural hair color
4. Fill a sketchbook
5. Go rock climbing
6. Go to a trampoline park
7. Go to the movies alone
8. Have or do a birthday photoshoot
9. Make a quilt (like this Korean Hangul one)
10. Read 444 books
11. Ride a horse again

Skills I want to learn

1. Acrylic painting
2. Drawing
3. Food photography
4. Hip-hop (dance)
5. How to style my hair
6. Japanese (language)
7. JavaScript
8. Korean (language)
9. Skateboarding
10. Tie dye