Profanity, innuendos, and processing language differently as an autistic

Journalism, junior year of high school: I ask a sophomore via text after he sends it to us, “But if ‘fuck’ is a verb, how do you not actually mean it like that?” Of course, because allistics, he replied, “WTF?” Cue my explanation.

If you’re saying, “Fuck,” like something is bad, fine, but it’s a verb. So what are you fucking? Like when you say, “Fuck that teacher,” people don’t actually do it because it’s wrong. Some people mean it violently, not literally. So why is it still used?

He never talked to me again.

Ah, to not know you’re autistic…

Learning how to use profanity takes time. It feels uncomfortable if you were raised to not use it, for whatever reason, or if you’re just not in the habit of using it.

I spent a lot of time watching people so I could imitate them, watching television so I could understand their speech patterns, and learn when and how they decided to use profanity.

There are still times when I’ll curse at wrong time, use a profane word the wrong way and/or in the wrong context, or say it too loudly or softly or what-the-fuck-ever.

“Soda water”

My abusive stepfather once told me to grab myself a soda water at a gas station while he went to the restroom. I searched hard for a “soda water”, and found nothing. I considered getting a Sprite, because that was soda, but it wasn’t a “soda water”, so I didn’t out of fear.

I went out the door to my dismissive, neglectful mother in the car to ask her what it was, but by that time he was out of the bathroom and shopping in the store.

She said to “just pick anything”, so I went back in to him checking out. I was too late.

“Where’s your drink?” he asked.

“I couldn’t find soda water.”

He said, “There are lots of soda waters all in those coolers.”

“Nothing said ‘soda water’.”

He gave me this look of utter exasperation, like how-can-you-be-so-stupid, and said, “You drink soda water all the time. It’s SODA.”

“Oh,” I said. “Okay, I’ll go get a Sprite.”

“No,” he said, “I’ve already paid and smart-ellics don’t get sodas.”

We were travelling from San Antonio to Wills Point, so…that was the first stop for a long time. 😢

WAP

I read online in the Facebook group where we all pretend to be Boomers that “WAP” stands for “worship and prayers” and thought it literally did, so imagine my surprise when I learned what it really means.

My embarrassment was on the same level as finding out “Netflix and chill” does NOT mean watching Netflix, eating snacks, and lounging about in comfy pajamas — after I had told brand representatives of food companies I wanted to sponsor my blog that that was my freaking hobby!

Honk if you like pizza

If someone has on their car a sticker or decal that says, “Honk if you like pizza!” do you honk because you like pizza?

Well, either way, that’s how they’re gonna take it. That’s the implication — the point of the sticker.

Whether you do like pizza doesn’t matter. That decal exists because that person gets honked at enough by people who think they’re a bad driver.

“Honk if you like pizza” is sarcasm, not serious. It has absolutely nothing to do with pizza. It could say, “Honk if you like cats!” or puppies! or literally anything other than pizza, because it’s not actually polling other drivers on the road.

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Seriously. I propose an extremely simple test for autism based on whether they comprehend innuendos based on their primary societal culture.

These “obvious”, yet not-obvious-at-all things separate the people who process language literally from those who process language based on their own biases and perceived life experience.

In school, you get bullied for it.

At home, you’re punished for it.

And then you grow up into an adult who struggles to comprehend such things unless you know someone who helps you stay in-the-know about those things, but you’re never exactly like the allistics beyond a few similar interests…and they know.