Lively Lately #75: Here and gone

The last month has been…a month. A lot happened. I think sharing more things later, in other posts, may make for better storytelling…something more full.

Because there are things I want to talk about “now” vs. things I don’t want to feel like I’m repeating later.

I’ve never lost a job before.

I was one of those people you hear about on the internet having a cool, obscure job.

I parted out LEGO sets.

My asthma acts up when the weather pressure changes. I cough year-round, because of allergies and asthma. More physical activity in a short amount of time = coughing.

I also masked more, and masking = stress = histamine response = coughing.

My coughing was “making everyone uncomfortable”. Then I unfolded more about the thing.

I don’t feel comfortable going into further detail because the situation has been living in my head rent-free ever since it happened. I feel sick when I think about it.

So maybe one day, I’ll share the story of what happened here in detail. I posted about it on Threads, though.

“Here” and “and gone” is what I texted a friend when I went to pick up my last payment for my work. I didn’t know what to expect when I went there; I only knew I did not feel safe.

Minor life upgrades

I used to be homeless. I lost everything. I left my abusive family, though they think I’m the rebel and had nothing to “escape” from — that I “choose to perceive” them as that way. 🙄

Recovering from homelessness, getting to a place of financial stability, etc. — by oneself, it can take years to decades. What helps the most, say, in a country like the US: a working, legal, insured vehicle to get to/from jobs in the first place.

That was my barrier for me. That’s something that the pieces need to fall into place for, so it’s mostly a waiting game right now.

Here are the minor upgrades to my life as a result of having even a teeny bit of money:

• A small trash can for my room. I was using a square bin, which I’m now using for recycle.
• A mint green lamp that sits on my nightstand. It feels fancy ’cause there’s a shallow “dish” as the base and I could plug something into it (like a charger).
• Vitamin D. I bought these because Vitamin D can help with bone health/immunity support.
• A black cat basket on Halloween clearance. It was $1, I didn’t expect it to actually arrive in my order, and now I use it to hold snacks like fruit jerky, nutritional bars, small cookie packs, etc.
• Wax melts. White peppermint mocha 😋
• A small, blush pink Conair hair brush. I’ve been using a comb, which doesn’t help detangle my hair without a lot of pain.
• A 3-pack of Planet Goody claw clips in black, blush pink, and mint green…which is perfect?? They were marked down because of the bad packaging. I wasn’t planning to buy clips…I was only looking/feeling from a sensory perspective.

  I made a package fall down, couldn’t get it to stay on the peg, then saw the one laying down above it and switched them out. 🤷‍♀️

• A new scratching post for Galaxy. Hers was half-used, so she needed a new one anyways.
• Mod Podge Satin to seal my watercolor paintings.
• A new toothbrush (two-pack).
• Witch hazel, which I use to wash my face and put on my legs after shaving them (before moisturizing them) to avoid strawberry legs.

Medium setback

I’ve been thinking of what happened as a medium setback.

I feel as though I went a few steps upstairs and fell down the stairs. 💁‍♀️ The experience sucks. I was able to restore some things I’d had in my life prior.

I have a dresser now. Not the type of dresser you’re probably picturing — it’s one of those white plastic carts with three clear plastic drawers.

Everything that happened…I hate it. I felt hopeful, and yet another abusive person took it away. I had hope and a glimpse into what I used to have in my life that turned everyday things into little luxuries. It gave me perspective. Not once did I ever take those little luxuries for granted.

I do understand how someone who doesn’t understand how my brain works or how I perceive the world around me could assume that I buy things willy-nilly without any sort of strategy or calculation.

What I’m doing now

In August, I validated my library card, so now I’m checking books out of the library. 😂 I have 10 novels and 13 graphic novels checked out right now, plus an e-audiobook.

I started listening to audiobooks again while parting out LEGO sets and will continue to do so when I watercolor paint or do things in my room if I have the sensory tolerance for it.

Mostly…I am minding my own business, maintaining my peace, and figuring out what doesn’t disrupt my peace too much.