Lively Lately #78: Feeling mega validated & on a roll~

1. I’m channeling my Main Character Energy.

First, I felt like a doll people dressed up.

Then, I STILL felt bogged down. I met a few people from a local liberal group, so I was socialized a little!

I grew up sheltered and convinced people outside my family or church were out to get me.

Being away from constant drama and meeting people who didn’t know a past version of me or my cousin much helped me realize that my zoomed-out worldview wasn’t bad.

I met people who accepted me for who I am instead of who they felt I could one day be if I only “tried hard enough”.

It taught me that I deserve to have healthy relationship dynamics with people who value me as I am, not what they wish I was like.

I learned how to better identify codependent tendencies and where boundaries were necessary — and even how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

It’s been a long, overdue and uncomfortable work-in-progress…however, I am growing into someone I like. I’m becoming the type of person I want to be.

I’m also facing hard truths, like how toxic I used to be and how — up until late last year — I was essentially a functioning anorexic.

Only within the last month have I managed to stabilize the non-diabetic hypoglycemia that comes with restrictive eating disorders. (Thank you, Liquid I.V.)

My head is clear, I can think clearly, and I’m not struggling with brain fog even in the midst of prolonged survival mode.

I’m back, bandits.

2. I am pre-rich.

I’ve adjusted my perspectives in some areas where my attitudes about certain possibilities affected my ability to grow as a person.

It’s like the question, “Is the glass half-empty or half-full?”

Why has the glass been so big this whole time?

As a kid, I’d ask questions about the glass’s shape, size and volume. Now, I know this is autistic thinking and understand why adults around me were so peeved.

Either way, I learned not to ask those kinds of questions — and that carried into my adulthood: I stopped asking questioned centered around temporary states instead of lasting ones.

So I started accepting some situations as permanent, even if they ultimately weren’t.

One of those was the state of poverty.

Money is not finite. I may never see that exact $1 or $50 again, but I will see another $1 and another $50.

I’m working through the trauma of financial insecurity and investing in myself to break the cycle.

I’m not “broke” — I’m pre-rich.

3. I’m on a roll!

Prioritizing myself and my own projects has really turned out in my favor!

• I’ve read 49 books this year so far — and I’m keen to read 100.
• My blog was eligible for Journey by Mediavine early!
• I’m working again. Hate to be pretentious, but it’s going to be “better” this time because I’ve learned to accept my limitations, what accommodations I need and what motivates me.

Things. are. HAPPENING.

It’s pretty amazing!

4. I’m also tired.

💁‍♀️ A lot of greatness can happen in my life while I’m tired. Exhaustion doesn’t diminish it.

I look forward to rebuilding my life more — and better this time — and exiting survival mode so I can finally…chill. 🤌

It’s been a long several years. 😭💀

So much has happened. I’m ready to recover, rebuild and chill.