Why autistic people run away

I’m writing this post as an autistic person specifically around why autistic people run away, not to be confused with elopement. 👀

Eloping is historically associated with “escaping”, but there is a nuance non-autistic people writing about this topic fail to acknowledge: the difference between running away (premeditated) and eloping (sudden escaping).

This is NOT about the “flight” response to stressful situations — that’s eloping!

When autistic people run away on purpose, there is always a reason.

Actually, there’s always a reason for any autistic person’s behavior. 💁‍♀️

Why the terminology matters

Non-autistic people often perceived autistics who leave home as “eloping” and needing to be saved, so they put out missing flyers and even worry about adults. They think the autistic person left a safe space, regardless of whether it was actually safe, and seek to bring that autistic person back home.

Then they put all these measures into making sure the autistic person can’t leave.

Non-autistic people don’t stop to wonder if the autistic person wanted to leave in the first place, because they don’t think autistics are capable of having such thoughts or feelings.

And if we do, they think it’s because our autism made us that way or that our autism is the problem, rather than acknowledging their own faults.

This nuance is ignored by non-autistic people, because they perceived the environments they create for any disabled person as “safe”.

In other words, people don’t stop to wonder whether a disabled person entrapped in a “safe place” is actually imprisoned.

Why I’m writing this

I was asked to write an article on this topic, gave the reasons why it was problematic, and a non-autistic writer was assigned the topic with the same problematic outline — and the same problematic resource links.

This post is messy and literal and written from the perspective of an autistic person who has both eloped and ran away.

My story

I was a missing adult who didn’t want to be found, who ran away to my cousin’s house. My maternal relatives started calling everyone because they didn’t have me in their control anymore, which meant they no longer controlled my narrative — which meant they no longer had an edge.

They couldn’t make up whatever they wanted to make up about me and then tattle to my dad about me without respect to the fact that they could no longer directly influence my behavior.

They still think I need saving

They think I left because of severe anxiety and not abuse.

They lack the ability to take responsibility for their abusive behavior, to reflect on their own behavior, and to accept reality.

But their ability to paint me as a certain kind of way — someone incapable of making decisions on her own, who sees them as the enemy due to mental illness and not their behavior — is privilege.

The privilege of being a non-autistic caregiver or relative or an autistic person allows them to control the narrative.

Society gives them, by default, priority over the autistic person in their care.

Society sympathizes with allistic caregivers of autistic people by default.

It’s a given.

Why is it pathologized?

If a non-autistic person runs away from home, they’re called a runaway.

Point blank: a runaway.

Why is it any different for autistic people?

Sometimes, I wonder if this goes back to how children were treated as property. Disabled children, and some disabled adults, are at a disadvantage.

Parents and caregivers of disabled people may be able to win power of attorney and seriously alter their kids’ futures by sterilizing them — taking the decision from their kids themselves, giving up on them before they have options.

The idea is that you are the kid, and you’re also disabled, so what rights do you have?

Or you’re the kid and autistic, so people don’t think you deserve actual rights. 💁‍♀️

Non-autistic people often seek to control autistic people, completely ignoring our autonomy like it doesn’t even matter — like we don’t even need it.

Or maybe they don’t care. 🤷‍♀️

I really don’t know.

All I know is that some autistic people run away because they want to.

Autistic adults may leave and cut off their parents/caregivers/family because they genuinely want to.

Society needs to pay more attention to words and be more considerate of how the autistic people running away might feel:

Are they actually missing, or did they purposely plan to leave and their family doesn’t realize or accept it?