I’m a lesbian. The noun is defined as “a homosexual woman”. I am attracted to my same sex. The idea of having sex with a penis is utterly revolting.

So why the fuck would I want to have a threesome with you and your boyfriend?

Last time I checked, I am not a sex worker. I don’t have a profile with “unicorn” or “threesome between hetero couple” listed as an available service. I don’t have any services available. Because I’m not a sex worker.

I’m attracted more to butches, but if you think this is why I would be a great unicorn addition to your couple, you’re wrong. Your boyfriend may be masculine, but he’s your boyfriend. He’s a man. Butches are masculine women. There’s a huge difference. Because they’re women, not men.

Yet, regardless of my preferences both on dating profiles and blatantly explained in my short summary, I’m still liked by couples looking for a unicorn. Some are actually looking for bisexual women, but the majority I’ve run into are looking for women who identify as lesbians, because their boyfriend/husband has a fantasy wherein they have sex with a lesbian.

Rarely, though still problematic to me, I’m suggested with — and oftentimes suggested more than once, twice and thrice — a woman married to a man, who wants a woman on the side. Sometimes the woman even wants her man to watch. One woman said the woman-loving-woman (WLW) would have to be okay with her husband watching, because it’s the only way she’d be allowed to have sex with a woman.

It makes me feel dirty.

It’s not enough that I’ve family members who will gag and not hesitate to show their outward disgust at homosexuality, or any type of sexuality that is not heteronormative; I apparently must face this other side of non-heteronormativity that is the stereotypical old Hollywood portrayal of being gay: only for pay, only existing for men’s sexual fantasies, not actually being gay because it’s who I am.

It’s like I can’t be a lesbian woman and live my whole life without having a penis in my bedroom, at any point, or in my mind.

One of the things I run into in the dating world is being deemed a “TERF” because I don’t want to have sex with anyone who has a penis. By mentioning this, anywhere, I open myself up to being told, by radical trans activists (because it’s definitely not every trans person) who fail to understand the basic concept of homosexuality, to choke on their woman dick.

But it’s like…it feels like it’s the same fucking concept, i.e. people with penises telling me who, how, and what makes and doesn’t make me a lesbian.

Or society telling me that it’s only okay for me to be a lesbian if I’m willing to include a penis in the bedroom.

Or that I’m not really a lesbian if I like strap-ons or dildos. Because apparently those are just like the real things. (They’re not. They’re so, so not. Also, this is just a hypothetical and not representative of my sexual preferences beyond vaginas, mkay.)

Then there are the men claiming themselves lesbians, but they’re men.

They identify as male lesbians. And they’re men. They’re lesbians because they like women — lesbian women.

Like, apparently this is a thing.

Men join dating sites because they want to connect with lesbians, so in their preferences, they say they’re a “Male”, but also “Lesbian”. In their summaries, they say they’re men and male but love lesbians, so obviously that makes them lesbians.

Um…except…like, it doesn’t fucking work that way?

Swiping right is not a thing I do often, and I’ve literally widened my cyber legs by not putting a limit on the distance. Only thing that has changed? I get even more of this crap.

And don’t even get me started on the people who, in their summaries, say they’re emotionally unavailable and don’t know who they are yet, but joined the dating site anyway because they want to find a love that can help them figure this shit out.

Dating cannot be this hard and lonely as a gay woman, lest I will remain single AF forever.