“I’m allowed to have boundaries, and you’re not allowed to be mad about it!”

I often see this in trauma communities.

Explaining how boundaries, feelings and validation works is futile, because they’re not at the stage where they comprehend that boundaries AREN’T about exerting control over another person.

Here’s a better statement:

“I’m allowed to have boundaries, and you’re allowed to be mad about it.”

or

“I’m allowed to have boundaries, and I’m not responsible for how you feel about me having them.”

People who are upset about your boundaries are not always toxic and seeking to break them; sometimes, they need time to adjust to this new version of you who has HEALTHY boundaries.

(Healthy boundaries are the keyword here.)

You have no right to telling someone how they’re “allowed” to feel.

You can want people to feel a certain way, but it will always only ever be in vain because wanting them to be a certain way comes from an urge to control them, however small it is.