I’ve been on a quest for bloggers like me. I love my blog friends and readers, but since coming to terms with my sexuality not as an ace but as a lesbian, I’ve been itching for community. More specifically, I’ve been itching for fellow active lesbian bloggers who are not so big that they cannot return comments and actually get to know their fellow lesbian bloggers, preferably those who are also single (not for matchmaking purposes) and childless. And I’ve searched, to no avail.

First of all, Google is absolutely zero help. The lists from search result pages (SERPs) primarily consist of collaborative lesbian media outlets (like Autostraddle), bloggers who are not super active, and lesbians whose blogging niche is parenting/married life. As a single, childless lesbian myself, it’s extremely difficult to relate to their stories no matter how entertaining they are — but I also don’t care to, because it’s the life I want for myself and don’t have yet, and I don’t want those blogs to become a new source of depression fuel.

Second, the most unfortunate thing about this lack of representation in the blogosphere is, lesbians don’t seem to start blogs until they’re in relationships. It’s typically a team effort, too — and that’s the biggest reason I dislike reading the posts by lesbian bloggers. Rather than two friends or sisters or cousins blogging, they’re two girlfriends blogging, so you’re always reminded of your singleness. I like being single, but would I like having a girlfriend? Um, yeah.

Pride is a popular topic.

In June, for Pride Month, lots of cisgender heterosexual bloggers post about the topics, though they’re typically in the book blogging community. I love that people are discussing these LGBTQ+ books, but?? It a) makes it difficult to weave through the crowd for the actual LGBTQ+ bloggers, and b) starts to feel like cis hetero bloggers are only talking about the books for the trend (viral) potential.

I understand there comes a time when you’re just like, “Oh, yeah, I’m gay, but I don’t need to shout it from the rooftops anymore,” as I learned in One Day at a Time, but this Trump era that America is in rather calls for acceptance and tolerance and leaves no room for any intolerance. After his election, celebrities came out because of politics, because they felt the need to create more representation as influencers, at a time when the LGTBQ+ community needed hope.

Still, I’m in Texas — a red state. I’m fortunate to now be living where I can display pride accessories and engage in full-on lesbianism without fear of being sent away to a conversion camp in a straight jacket or kicked out and left homeless. Until it is safe for all to be LGBTQ+, and until no one has to “come out”, there will always be a need for LGBTQ+ pride and Pride Month and Coming Out Day.

I just hoped the 2010s would have several lesbian personal bloggers by now, who were at least in their mid-to-late-20s.

Because I really don’t want to be an icon in the community, putting myself out there as a personal blogger. I just want to be myself, with all my flaws and screw-ups.

Being a “thought leader” never interested me. I enjoy engaging in intellectual discussions loads, but I also enjoy discussing more “immature” topics, especially when I learn precisely what poop is comprised of or that dolphins have sex for pleasure. Like, I don’t want to be serious all the time, because that’s a boring life.

Also, contrary to what trolls have accused me of, being popular does not entice me. Do I aspire for my writing to become super popular? Yes. And my creativity? Absolutely! But do I personally want to be famous? No. Fame comes with expectations, a more fragile reputation, and the skeletons in your closet banking on the worst moments of your life. I realize, however, that my aspirations in life may result in fame regardless — like, the possibility of it — but as a good friend once told me,

Fame is just part of the job, and you can’t take it home with you if you want to have a personal life.

My point is, this is scary AF. I’d be having a panic attack if it weren’t for the 30mg of fluoxetine I’m on. However, I’m trying this thing to where I’m being the person I needed in my youth/upon accepting myself.

Maybe the way to find fellow lesbian bloggers in similar boats as myself is to…be one myself — a lesbian blogger, that is; in the open.

This was posted in conjunction with National Coming Out Day and is linked up to FYFA and ITAM’s #LetsDiscuss.