autnotes 005: rebrand, vitamin deficiencies, deadname

The more I go about my life, the less non-autistic people understand what life is like to have been born outside the box. Allistic people label a lie that which their brain cannot perceive as possible. Hence, neurotypical people often perceive neurodivergent individuals as liars.

Because of this, I simply prefer not to associate with them. But I can’t always help it. I’m surrounded by neurotypical people, by people born inside the box — people who believe compliance is respect and fitting in is modesty.

10mo calico kitten being a loaf on my bed
Emotional support cat literally keeps me going 💖

I’m in the process of rebranding my online presence again. It’s not ideal, but I think it’s what’s best for me. I am autistic, and my name is Jane. I am still working on the legal name change, but I get the feeling that I’m going to have to form an LLC first and deal with updating my legal name change for that when the situation presents itself. Heteronormative, neurotypical singlets do not naturally fathom why someone would use a different name. The default presumption is that you’re a scammer.

Having a dead name makes people discredit me instantly. 😔 Using a nickname makes people discredit me instantly.

I hope to one day not have to worry about people like that, but until then…I am stuck accommodating them.

Food is less trash lately, since I have been buying more convenient meals, or foods that I don’t have to cook. I’m talking premade food that is then frozen, that I can just heat up in the microwave or the oven and eat in a short period of time.

To paraphrase Struggle Care:

It’s not my job to save the planet. It’s my job to take care of myself, feed myself, etc.

Fed is best, even if that means that I don’t make my own meals most of the time. Sometimes, this is the only way that I do get fed. For the sake of eating disorder recovery, this is the way I’m going.

My hair has started to lose pigment due to vitamin deficiencies. Strands of hair are turning white and growing in white. It’s not grey hair, because that is not typically splotchy. It only happens when I’m severely malnourished and haven’t been eating much, or when I have head trauma. 🥲 Mostly happens because of the former.

I will get around to changing my domain soon. I’m currently only mobile, and it’s quite a process now that I’m no longer on GreenGeeks. ✨

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