Being liked at work isn’t important

Being liked vs. being likeable

Being likeable is how you get promoted. At least…that’s the culture retail management creates.

But if you stop thinking, “I need to be liked to be taken seriously and valued in my store,” and start asking, “Wait, but why?” you’ll find being likeable isn’t what gets you promoted or valued.

Actually, it’s often how well you can suck up to the store manager.

If your store manager is a Millennial, they won’t care.

They are the most chill, often burnt out people in retail because they’ve been here long enough to be fed the spoilt punch that their immune systems tolerate it.

If your store manager is older than that, though, they care about more traditional workplace expectations like

• sucking up to the boss
• seeking to please them
• whatever other things you can do to fluff up a narcissist

Salaried, and even hourly, managers follow these kinds of store managers around like ducklings following their mom, afraid to get lost in the pond.

Being likeable around customers is good, because older customers will actually fill out the survey on their receipt and mention you if they know your name.

Being likeable around management is all about how much you can butter up the boss so you get “in” with the market or district managers. Suck up to the market/district managers, and you could potentially get any position you wanted.

Being liked vs being respected

Being liked and being respected are two totally different situations.

• You can be liked and disrespected.
• You can be respected and disliked.

You could also mistake fear for respect.

As a long-time blogger, I find being liked is far less important than it was in high school.

I don’t need my coworkers to like me. I need my coworkers to respect me — that is, my boundaries, my time, my work — so we can work together.

Too often, I’ve had coworkers who didn’t like me and their dislike created a hostile environment.

Once, I even said, “We don’t have to like each other. We need only respect each other at work to get the job done,” because I didn’t like my Trump-supporting coworker who was upset when Biden won.

You don’t have to like each other.

Work isn’t a dating app or book club.

Respect feels completely different from like, too.

Liking someone is based on personal preference and is a stable feeling.

Respect is earned through actions, demonstrating competence, integrity and teamwork.

Respect is earned; like is felt by people.

Retail workers who seek to be liked are not going to last long in the business because they will self-destruct.

If, somehow, they do manage to last long in the biz, it’s because they’re surrounded by people who are just like them.

The moment that environment changes — where they are held accountable for their behavior and no longer able to control the narrative through deflection and manipulation — everything falls apart.

Depending on how long they went being “likeable”, to not feel liked after so long, they may begin taking out their anger on customers or even their coworkers and create a hostile work environment.

Watching it play out from a sociological gaze is interesting, to say the least.

Stop looking for personal validation at work

Your coworkers are not emotional support assistants.

Stop asking them to perform emotional labor and validate you when you feel down.

This alone is exhausting emotionally and can even drain you physically.

Well, maybe not YOU — but it will deplete your coworkers.

Retail hell is cognitively draining enough, by the way.

Plus, if they spend time away from you at work with other people and everything goes well, whose to say they won’t connect the dots and realize the common denominator to causing their awful days is you?

I know how harsh this sounds…it’s still true.

If you are seeking validation from people beyond yourself, you need a therapist. So if you’re seeking validation from your coworkers, you need a therapist.

Or something.

You need to learn how to stop looking for external validation and start validating yourself. It starts with liking yourself and respecting yourself.

Have you given yourself the opportunity to exist outside of work?

Who even are you outside of work?

Are you a kind person?

Or are you an angry, old biddy who hates everyone because nothing goes your way?

I have other tips, like free things to do on your days off and tips to creating appropriate, healthy boundaries at work…but I’m also not your therapist so I don’t have all the answers.