Autistic and childlike: One of my insecurities

I’m autistic and “childish”.

• I love animated TV.
• I still watch kids’ shows.
• I don’t like most adult fiction.
• I play The Sims 4 because it’s like playing with Barbies or Polly Pockets.
• I express joy similarly to what you’d expect in a child.

I love “childish” things as an autistic adult.

The social construct of childishness

The older I am, the less I understand what it means to act my age.

What’s considered appropriate for each age group heavily depends on social and cultural expectations, many of which feel arbitrary or even ableist when I start unraveling the threads.

When I think about my childishness, my complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) thrusts me back to a moment that’s still stuck with me:

I was watching Blue’s Clues with my baby brother. I liked the show. My stepfather, his dad, pulled me aside and said,

“Do you want other people to make fun of you? Do you want people to think you’re a baby? Don’t you think there’s something wrong with you that you’re still watching baby shows?”

At the time, I didn’t have the tools to defend myself. I didn’t understand what was so wrong about sharing a moment with my little brother, enjoying something that felt fun and safe.

Adult me, who has been through trauma therapy and is still working through her trauma, can see the truth:

He made his discomfort with my joy about influencing shame and embarrassment within myself.

Autism, joy & unlearning shame

As an autistic person, my interests are intense, immersive and joyful. They’re also sometimes labelled “childish” or “immature” because they don’t match what society deems “age-appropriate”.

I’ve internalized a lot of shame about that over the years.

When someone calls me or my interests “childish”, I flinch a little — even if I don’t show it. A part of me is always bracing for rejection and abandonment. A part of me is still that kid who was told she should be embarrassed to like what she liked.

I’m also unlearning that.

I’m learning the problem was never me. The problem was people who needed me to feel like I needed to “grow out of” something that brought me comfort, connection and joy.

What if we stopped shaming people for the things that made them feel safe, joyful or free?

Childlike ≠ childish

There’s a difference between being “childlike” and “childish”, and I think autistic adults are often mislabeled as the latter.

Being childlike — curious, expressive, imaginative, joyful — is something I value. It’s part of how I move through the world. It keeps life enjoyable for me.

Being called “childish”, though? It’s used as a way to belittle, dismiss or control.

When people say I act like a child, it’s rarely about my actual behavior. It’s about tone-policing my joy. It’s about discomfort with anything that challenges the rigid expectations of adulthood.

It’s about misunderstanding neurodivergence and trying to pathologize something that doesn’t need fixing.

Reclaiming what they call “immature”

So yeah, I still watch “kids'” shows. I love my silly, little cartoons. I play The Sims like I’m living through them.

I have a favorite stuffed animal. I still get giddy over simple things.

I’ve decided not to be ashamed of it anymore.

Childlike joy isn’t a flaw, but a strength — especially in a world that keeps trying to extinguish it.

What childlike interests do you have? Let me know in the comments!