Do you work here?


Oh, this vest? I saw it on a table, put it on.

No, I just like to wander into the backroom for shits and giggles. Not because I actually work here or anything.

Nope, nope, nope. Definitely do not work here.

Scarecrow behind orange and yellow pots of garden crotons

Uh, this entrance is employees only, but I’m entering anyway because what are rules? Like I said, I do not work here.

Um, no? I can’t help you on my lunch break. I don’t work here.

Yeah, yeah…it’s a memorable mask. Doesn’t mean I’m the same person who works here and wears this same kind of mask, though.

Yeah, I don’t know where the fuck that is because I don’t even know what you’re talking about — but I’m going direct you to Hardware/Sporting Goods/Housewares anyway because that’s where it sounds like that thingamajig is most likely to be.

Haha! Yeah! I’m totally the person who helped you in Jewelry earlier! Heh…doesn’t mean I work here.

No, I’m just pushing this freight out onto the floor, where it goes, for fun.

Nah, man, I am sitting here folding these apparel tables because this pandemic has me so stir-crazy that I decided to come here, sit down, and fold laundry all day. For free. Even though I have three baskets of clean laundry at home I haven’t folded. Yeah, definitely do not work here.


When I don’t call in.

On that note, two things: missing work is not my mission, so I do strive for perfect attendance; and what is it with calling people over the intercom when they’re off that day, but in the store for personal reasons or pulling people somewhere when they get off soon?

This isn’t a forever job for me. I will eventually work for myself. I’ve a general idea of what that means for me, and I’m on my way to getting there. 😎💖💯👏

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