1. 13 Before 30: Perfect a new-to-me hairstyle

I low-key have a 13 Before 30 list of things I want to accomplish before my 30th birthday in March, and #13 on the list is to perfect a new-to-me hairstyle.

I’ve been trying to obtain adequate waves by letting my hair air-dry, but they aren’t balanced and bend the opposite way when I sleep on it. I tried that whole sleep-in-braids hair style, and I think it’s about the only way to manage my hair in its curly glory.

Although I only blow-dry my hair straight these days — that’s how it styles when blow-dried, anyway — I used a flat iron on my hair for about 15 years of my life so it’s not all that curly anymore.

The only time it is actually curly is when I sleep in a bun or braids, or twists. 💁‍♀️

I think this hairdo brings out the lighter parts of my hair, which, love.

How I do it: My hair air-dries for several hours (I shower when I get home from work, so it’s got from 8pm to about midnight or 1am), then I spritz it with leave-in conditioner, and comb and braid it before going to bed. I pin my braids behind my ears with bobby bins because I don’t sleep well with hair in my face. (Thanks, Christine!)

2. I’ve spent a lot of money on face masks, but…

There is not only a state mandate, but I have to wear them to work. The cost of quality store-bought masks are about the same as those made by sellers on Etsy, so I’ve been shopping on Etsy a lot lately.

I keep two in my car — one tying, one elastic + an ear saver — for when I’m out and about on my off days and go in some place, or get food from Sonic, or forget a mask for work.

I am on my way to owning 10 face masks that I actually use — it took a bit of trial and error to find masks that work for me.

The disposable ones aggravated my skin — and they’re disposable. Reusable face masks are a bit like reusable menstrual products or scrunchies: Wear one or two alternatively, and they’ll wear out all too soon. The same goes for underwear, hence why we tend not to have only one or two pairs if we can help it.

3. Feeling fatigued by the COVID-19

I’m just over it.

I used to wear lipstick. I gave off straight vibes, like I had this hot boyfriend or was at least a hot, straight MILF. Men and boys followed me ’round the store like I was going to be that one sales associate who would actually flirt back. Maybe they thought I was flirting when I was just being myself; it’s what lots of men think.

I don’t miss that, but I would endure it just to be able to wear lipstick out in public again, where people can see it. Wearing lipstick is for me, not for other people, but it’s just a waste of lipstick under a mask and there was power there, when the people around me learned to identify me by my purple-tinted lipstick.

Painted nails only works if I actually paint them, but then they get messed up at work because freight and plastic and taping customer value products (CVP), and I start to ponder the point even though a major reason I keep my nails painted is because I’ll bite them if they’re plain until my fingers hurt.

Pandemic life is the new normal.

I fear life will never return to how it was before, and I feel it will be some parts good, others bad.

I’m having to learn to learn how else to express who I am, without the use of lipstick. Coronavirus has removed my autonomy to express my identity as I wish, and I’m angry about it.

I get the feel that I’m not allowed to be angry because, if I express my frustration about it, it comes off as me being anti-masks, and that’s so not even the case?? I’m just pissed that we have to wear face masks all the time.

I’m pissed that customers refuse to wear face masks and get pissed and take out their anger on me because they can’t try clothes on in the fitting rooms or touch the jewelry before they buy it or use cash at self-checkout.

I’m just over all the bullshit and tired of feeling real fucking hopeless.

Also really feeling the singledom vibes, and not the good kind.