Why I don’t make and share my goals

Why I don’t set traditional goals

I don’t make long-term or short-term goals unless they’re exceptionally flexible.

For me, goals can easily become external expectations rather than personal aspirations.

This is one reason I’ve never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions. They often feel performative, like a box you’re pressured to check rather than a meaningful pursuit.

Take driving, for example.

If I publicly announced, “I’m going to start driving again by the end of the year,” people would cheer me on.

But what if I’m not mentally or emotionally ready?

Setting that expectation would add unnecessary pressure, turning a personal milestone into something dictated by others’ timelines.

You can’t plan everything in life and expect everything to go exactly as your plan. Life doesn’t live up to our expectations.

Also…the desire to control everything through “goals” and blaming oneself for not achieving them — that is unresolved trauma showing up front and center.

What works for me instead

Rather than setting rigid goals, I focus on maintaining a sense of direction.

I use to-do menus for structure but don’t see them as goals.

Dreams and aspirations guide me, but they’re fluid and adaptable — not bound by deadlines or external validation.

When grade school teachers or mentors insisted on goal-setting, I understood their intent. Goals can be motivating for some, but they’ve never been my path to success.

Instead, I prioritize what feels meaningful in the moment and allow myself the freedom to pivot as needed.

“We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future as if figuring it out will cushion the blow.

But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes.

But one thing is certain: when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.”

~ Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

This Grey’s Anatomy quote resonates with me major. Over-planning leads to stress and disappointment, especially when life inevitably takes unexpected turns.

The downside of publicly sharing goals

Research supports the idea that sharing goals publicly can backfire.

When you share your ambitions, the praise or encouragement you receive can create a false sense of accomplishment. This phenomenon, known as the “social reality effect”, tricks your brain into feeling like you’ve already achieved something — even when you haven’t.

That’s why my “anti-goal” philosophy is personal, not professional.

In my personal life, I avoid rigid goals and public declarations to maintain my motivation and autonomy.

Professionally, I recognize the importance of planning and structure to achieve tangible results. I create blogging goals, but don’t share them with anyone outside my team. Right now, my blog team is only me. 🤣

Do goals work for you?

Everyone’s approach to goals is different.

For some, they’re essential for staying on track and measuring progress.

For others, like me, they can feel restrictive and counterproductive.

Whether you’re a goal-setter or not, what matters most is finding a system that aligns with your values and keeps you moving forward — on your own terms.

References

• Gollwitzer, P. M., Sheeran, P., Michalski, V., & Seifert, A. E. (2009). When intentions go public: Does social reality widen the intention-behavior gap? Psychological Science, 20, 612-618.
• Gollwitzer, P. M., Parks-Stamm, E. J., & Oettingen, G. (2009). Living on the edge: Shifting between nonconscious and conscious goal pursuit. In Morsella, E., Bargh, J. A., & Gollwitzer, P. M. (Eds.), Oxford handbook of human action (pp. 603 – 624). New York: Oxford University Press.