Routines are the butter for autistic people’s toast.
They help an autistic person function without struggling to cope with life’s unpredictable moments on repeat.
When you hear “routine”, you may think “schedule” — but these are two different terms. An autistic’s routine can be broken down into routines and rituals.
Every ritual is a type of routine. They could have a nail painting ritual.
Routines are not always strict, specific tasks on a list.
That’s where non-autistic people misunderstand. I see it with parents of autistic kids, struggling to maintain bedtime routines.
I used to think routines meant doing the same thing every single time…then my grandfather died, and I learned routines are also the people in my life who exist alongside me.
Life is chaotic without routines.
Humans love predictability and tend to avoid change.
In fact, not being able to stick to one thing is considered an attention disorder or sign of mental illness, rather than a “good” thing.
For some reason, autistic people’s need for consistency is instead pathologized.
Non-autistic people also struggle without routine, though.
- Morning routines
- Night routines
- Routine bills
- Routine grocery shopping
- Routine paychecks
Everyone on this planet needs some kind of routine in order to thrive at at least a mediocre level, or else they feel like their life is out of control.
Routines help cope with stress
Life is unpredictable, which leads to stressful situations.
You can’t predict what will happen, only identify and hypothesize what might happen based on pattern recognition.
An organized environment is usually less overstimulating visually. I personally give everything a home, tucked away in a drawer if it can’t sit neatly on a shelf.
While the world is chaotic, I continue with my routine.
I find and take comfort in knowing my routine will be there for me.
New people will fill the voids within my routine. I can still miss people who exit my life in their own way, but I still have my routine.
Routines reduce cognitive demand
Having a routine is like mentally offloading the need to remember or figure out what to do “next”.
Routines always have a “next”. There is always something “next” to, and I don’t even have to be consciously aware of it. The “next” simply exists.
I don’t have to think about what to do.
I don’t say, “I have a lot of time to do something, but what should I do?!” because my routine covers that like an algorithm fills an empty feed.
My routine comforts me and clears up my mind to think about things that matter to me more.
Everything is filtered through how it fits into my routine. Something either fits into my routine or doesn’t.
Non-autistic people perceive this kind of non-budging behavior as “rigid”, “stubborn” or problematic because they are accustomed to going about their lives in chaos, no matter how much they struggle to cope.
Like surviving a life full of chaos is a badge of honor for only the strong, and everyone else is weak.
Routines help maintain boundaries
Instead of “sure, I’ll make it fit my schedule”, autistic people may say, “Let me see how that fits into my routine and get back to you.”
By default, maintaining your routine is a boundary.
Because your schedule can be packed and not risk disruption. Things added to a routine risks disruption.
My routine gives me an out. Those who understand accept that out; those who don’t tend to argue, criticize or flat-out insult me because they don’t understand why routine is so important to me.
Helps with emotional regulation
As an autistic person, I need my routine to help me regulate my emotions.
Without my routine, I struggle to regulate my emotions.
When someone or something disrupts that routine, and/or wants me to adjust my routine so it better fits their expectations, I struggle to regulate my emotions.
My routine helps me feel safe because it’s predictable and that’s comforting, but the lack of it does not.
I need to know what’s next to avoid losing my sanity.
Holds me to a standard
I know when I’m not doing OK mentally based on how well my routine is going.
If I stop making my bed, that’s a sign I’m exhausted/not prioritizing myself. Maybe I’m working too much or staying up too late.
Laundry piling up could mean my laundry routine is incompatible with my daily routine. Could be a sign of a chronic illness and/or pain flare coming up.
A cluttered desk means my organization is not working for me, same with cluttered surfaces.
Compounded, this is a precursor to slipping deeper into autistic burnout.
My routine holds me to this standard of living that works for me based on my needs, and allows me to recognize by routine whether I need adjust something in my life.
Kind of like when the vet asks you if your cat is eating more/less, using the litter box more/less, playing more/less. Basic things you need to know as a cat mom who pays attention, that you’d not otherwise know without routine.
Everything and everyone has a routine, and life goes to trash without it.
I am mindful, though, about how having a routine makes me an easy target for predators. After a couple stalkers, I’ve managed to learn how to introduce and embrace spontaneity.
What about you? How does having a routine help you?
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