No-contact is a last-resort method utilized when all other attempts at boundaries and communication fail. It’s not an easy choice, nor is is a sign of disrespect or an attempt to hurt the person one is going no-contact with.
The idea of estranging from relatives feels isolating — like, how are you supposed to keep going without your family?

However, it may be a necessary step towards healing and peace. This guide is here to help you navigate this process with care.
Understanding no-contact
Going no-contact means cutting off all communication and interaction with certain family members.
It’s a boundary designed to protect your emotional, mental and physical well-being when a relationship becomes harmful or toxic.

Why people go no-contact
Common reasons include
- Experiencing emotional, financial or physical abuse
- Enduring toxic behaviors such as gaslighting, manipulation or repeated boundary violations
- Needing to protect your mental health from ongoing harm
Challenges of going no-contact
Unfortunately, the no-contact journey is not without its difficulties. You may face
- Feelings of guilt, grief or doubt
- Pressure from other family members or friends to end the estrangement
- Societal expectations around family loyalty
Preparing for no-contact
When I cut someone off and out of my life, I mentally wade through this list with the hope of there being an obvious chance.
Self-reflect
Look at the relationship objectively. Ask yourself these questions:
- Is going no-contact necessary for your well-being?
- Have you tried setting boundaries, and were they respected?
- Do you spiral only when they influence your decisions?
- Do they think you need mental help because you struggle to meet their expectations or live life how they think you should?
- How do they treat service workers?
- Do they exhibit the potential for personal growth? (i.e. could you communicate issues to them?)
These questions can help you identify power imbalances and controlling behaviors in the relationship. They also get you thinking about the relationship for what it is instead of how you want it to be.
Seek support
You don’t have to go at this alone. Consider
- joining a support group to validate your experience
- talking to trusted friends
- working with a therapist
Plan ahead
Think through the effects of going no-contact.
- How will you communicate your decision, if at all?
- Are there logistical considerations to address (e.g. family events, living conditions, shared finances)?
If they have kids, how might estrangement affect your relationship with the kids? In unhealthy relationship dynamics, boundaries are usually nonexistent. The relationship you have with the estranged person may affect your relationship with he kids.
My biological mother couldn’t separate my relationship with her from my relationship with my siblings, so…I don’t have any relationship with my maternal siblings. She kept them from me as “punishment”, which validated my choice to go no-contact long-term.
Communicating your decision
Choose your approach to communicating that you’ll be going no-contact. There’s no one-size-fits-all method for this.

You can either communicate it directly or indirectly.
- Direct communication: Write a letter, send an email/text, or have a conversation where you explain your decision.
- Indirect communication: Gradually withdraw or cut off contact without explanation.
I prefer the direct communication approach. Indirect communication is poor communication and expects people to read your mind. It’s not part of a healthy relationship dynamic.
I’ve always went this route, but my mother’s side of the family didn’t accept that it was happening, which was infuriating.
Indirect communication is more passive, possibly even passive-aggressive. As someone wanting to move away from those kinds of dynamics, I choose to show that I am clear-headed and not acting out of anxiety.
I straight-up say, “I don’t want to speak to you anymore,” or something along those lines.
Set clear boundaries
If you choose to communicate directly, keep it concise. Avoid over-explaining or debating your decision.
Example phrases:
- “For my well-being, I’ve decided to end contact.”
- “I think we should go on our own path from here.”
- “I don’t want to be in your life anymore.” or “I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
“I need space to heal and move forward” is a bit too vague for such a monumental decision as no-contact, which will affect everyone involved long-term. Sometimes, people need to take space to work through things on their own that they’re dealing with. I don’t recommend using it for this situation.
Anticipate reactions
Be prepared for their reactions, including
- Anger, guilt-tripping and/or denial
- Promises to change or attempts to invalidate your feelings
Their reaction isn’t your responsibility.
If you’re at the point of wanting to go no-contact with your family, then you’ve [hopefully] already tried to communicate issues/resolve conflict you have with them.
Any promises to change speaks to their own unresolved trauma and abandonment issues and aren’t true efforts to change; it’s only to keep you in their life without regard to your needs.
Maintaining no-contact
In order for no-contact to work, you need to maintain it. Otherwise, it’s not no-contact — it’s simply limiting your availability.
Some tips:
- Block phone numbers, emails and social media accounts. You’ll be less tempted to stalk them back, too.
- Inform mutual connections of your boundaries and request they respect your decision.
Dealing with relapse
If you find you’re re-engaging, give yourself grace. Recognize it as a learning experience and reaffirm your boundaries.
Reach out to a support group or schedule an appointment with your therapist for help working through your relapse.
Handling external pressure
Prepare responses to intrusive questions or attempts to mediate, e.g.
- “This is a personal decision, and I’m not discussing it further.”
- “This is what’s best for me.”
Coping with the aftermath
Going no-contact is a life-changing decision you may not be able to recover from. It’s not one to make impulsively.
Emotional healing
Allow yourself the loss of the relationship and the family dynamic you hoped for.
Work through feelings of guilt by reminding yourself that prioritizing your health is not selfish.
Build a support system
Surround yourself with people who respect and uplift you. Chosen family, friends, and supportive communities can fill the void left by toxic relationships.
However, be careful not to get too caught up in pointing fingers at who the toxic person is — recognize your own fault in the dynamic.
This is why I recommend having a therapist or trauma coach who can help you work through it. Few people have as much self-awareness as they think they do.
It’s really easy to blame someone else and surround yourself by enablers, being completely unaware of your own toxic traits.
Your decision to go no-contact could be the result of a much larger issue, especially if it’s part of a larger pattern.
While no mentally-sound person wakes up and impulsively decides to remove someone from their life, sometimes people do wake up and realize in the midst of ongoing interpersonal conflict that they’re so tired from defending themselves.
That it’s time for change.
That, in order to grow and deviate from the cycle or pattern they’ve been on, they need to go their own way.
Only the person choosing estrangement knows whether they’re doing it out of genuine care or maliciously. Sometimes, toxic people utilize no-contact to punish. This isn’t what this post is about.
Going no-contact is not for the wishy-washy…but sometimes it appeals to people who engage in toxic behaviors themselves. This can be for the better or worse — only you can decide that for yourself, if it’s you.
Focus on your growth
Use this newfound space to pursue hobbies, education or goals that bring you joy and purpose.
I do this instead of seeking to “fill the void” with more people. I realized trying to fill the holes in my heart from lost relationships didn’t help me heal — it only reminded me of what I missed, because those relationships were so shallow.
Relationships come and go. People are born and die all the time.
Exploring new things teaches me more about myself. Through developing myself, I meet new people — some who even become my friends.
I felt like an accessory to some people who used to be in my life on the regular. When I asked for space to process all my needs, they retaliated. While I took space anyway and stood firm in my boundaries, they retaliated. Then they removed themselves from my life.
And you know what? I realized it was because I no longer fit in their jewelry box.
When no-contact is tested
Your choice to go no-contact will be tested.
If you run into relatives unexpectedly, stay grounded. Have a plan for how you’ll respond, like excusing yourself or keeping interactions brief.
Decide in advance how you’ll handle critical situations, such as health crises or deaths. Will you maintain no-contact or make an exception?
Choosing to go no-contact with family is an extremely personal decision that requires strength and courage. Many have walked this path to find peace, so you’re not alone.
Prioritizing your well-being is an act of self-love, not selfishness. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Whether you’re considering or navigating this journey, know it’s okay to seek support, take your time and make choices that feel right for you.
Healing is possible; your future can be filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships!
Resources
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
- r/EstrangedAdultChild on Reddit
- Find a professional therapist experienced in family dynamics and trauma recovery specifically.
You deserve peace, and it starts with taking care of yourself.
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