This year was a year. I don’t have much to say about it beyond that.

Despite the loads of drama that went on, I hold no ill feelings towards anyone. I grew really tired of the hate this year and to work toward not having so much in my life moving forward. I realized that I can love and love and love, but people are still going to make assumptions about my intentions or read between the lines for context that just isn’t there. It sucks, but I can’t change it/them.

All I can do is work to improve the deliverance of my actions and hope the outcome conveys my intentions. I don’t want to ignore the consequences of my actions in favor of my intentions anymore, because I hold others to the same responsibility: At what point do we stop being selfish and acknowledge how we made someone else feel? At what point do we stop and say, “Oh, wait—this person is crying because of me. They’re crying because my words came out wrong.” It’s hard—and a long process—but just because x wasn’t meant doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Best posts in 2017

I didn’t really like the most popular posts during this year, so I’m going to do a mix of the best and most popular posts this year.

• How to be an ally to autistic people — This is the most popular post I wrote this year. It’s also one of my most vulnerable. I shook as I wrote it, and cried a bit toward the end of it.
• This is what privilege looks like. — Fourth most popular post. If I had thought I would be reported and blocked, I would have saved screenshots of her tweets. Events like these happen often within the autistic community, and then the instigators victimize themselves. I don’t condone when fellow autistics engage in abusive, volatile behavior, but I do think it important to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Autistics should not be ridiculed for standing up for themselves in a world wherein the majority wants to eradicate our entire existence.
• Quiet hands and fidget spinners — Eighth most pop post. It saddens me how the fidget spinner has been deemed “out” by the majority of able-bodied peoples, and babbles are “in”.
• PTSD: My personal Boogeyman — I forgot I wrote this this year. I haven’t thought much about PTSD lately until situations wherein I was forced to arose, i.e. those which provoked PTSD symptoms. I often feel like I’m battling against reliving the past, like it’s something that is going to abduct me and torture me against my will until I accept that PTSD is my reality. Because they don’t see it, my family doesn’t understand that it’s out of my control when and how it happens.
• It’s nothing personal. — After getting in the habit of remembering this, it’s a lot easier to not take things so personally—feels like a superpower!
• Fight song — I like this one, for really cheesy (ugh) reasons: I wrote the post I wished existed for the times I needed it most.
• What about Millennials again? — I never expected this to get as many responses as it did! I started to worry that maybe it was a shitty post, but then I also enjoyed writing it. ‘Twas the first post I wrote about a special interest I consider far-out, so I was nervous. But I’m glad I posted it, regardless of lacking confidence.

Monthly tidbits

January

• Start of including music videos in life updates!
• I started tracking and recording my sleep with Sleepbot, because I have sleep apnea and it was scaring me.
• The “big physical change” I was talking about was a haircut that never happens.
• I said style posts are coming and they never did.
• I mostly wasted away the month through Netflix.

February

• A woman who has continuously aggravated and provoked me struck again.
• I tried Book of the Month, because I dislike using affiliate links for companies and services that don’t pass my personal code and/or test. If I had the money, I would subscribe to it again. (The affiliate program is now for elitists, which I don’t agree with, but I do think the program fun and useful.)
• A big life event for me happened February 2007, so the tenth anniversary of it was stressful. The worst part is that I never actively think, “Oh, this is when that thing happened,” so when it hits, I feel like I’m in a car wreck again (the event was not a car wreck, but I have been in multiple), because I’m being jerked every which way and don’t know what’s going on until there’s a steady pause.
• I failed to do a monthly recap.

March

• I experienced nosebleeds and decided to try to start blogging about autism again after a long hiatus.
• My heart broke, because a cousin who hadn’t spoken to me in months decided to throw me a surprise birthday party. I’m not into surprises at all, nor do I like when the spotlight is extremely on me. The worst of it is that I was ostracized because of my disabilities, because of my autism, because of my PTSD, because I didn’t want a repeat of what leads me straight into darkness. Had the cousin listened to Charlise and respected my name change instead of deliberately ignoring my preference, I may not have had such issues with it. But the party was more about the cousin and what she wanted—not anything to do with me.So I went geocaching with a kiddish explorers group instead.
• I shared about how I learned of my metals allergy.
• I moved to OfBlue and officially set up a splash page for 6birds.net instead of forwarding traffic to janepdia.com.

April

• Autism Awareness Acceptance Month
• I was a panelist in an autism + eating disorders discussion
• The birthday catastrophe this year made me forget how to blog about myself.
• Because of my personality disorder, I completely forgot about my side projects.
• I decided to start taking photos for personal stock photo purposes!
• #Obsessed with #MammaChia
• We had our spring garage sale.

May

• Not having a laptop really ate me up. I realized it’s not just a materialistic objects for me. Life today depends too much on technology to adequately go without it.
• I started printing out Sudoku puzzles to solve. They were pretty much my special interest for a while.
• I didn’t blog much this month, so I seldom remember what all went down.
• I started stressing out about independence, because it was this month that the pressure started happening. I got overwhelmed.

June

• Grandmama went on a month-long trip, so I had the entire place to myself.
• I did help Charlise with her garage sale mid-June.
• I mostly read books and watched television/movies this month, and prepared posts for upcoming months.
• In having the house to myself for a month, I learned I might actually do well living alone. I thought, “If I could just figure out the income part, I could actually do it.”
• The lawn guy really annoyed me.
• Started hinting at my sexuality.

July

• For the first time, I was honest about my nocturnal lifestyle in a Day in the Life post.
• I watched Netflix’s documentary about Amanda Knox, and it stuck with me.
• I read two books and watched many movies.
• Potted basil!
• I tried Pandora and learned how to manage my sleep apnea better.

August

• I discovered my #1 favorite book from this year!
• I came out on Facebook to a select group of people.
• Started practicing self-care on a regular basis.
• Watched a lot and got many books.

September

• Worked puzzle with Gmama.
• Shared my thoughts on unschooling + college, because the woman struck again.
• FINALLY got a new laptop!
• A younger cousin had her baby shower.
• I learned how to do sponsored posts in a way that is still genuine, which I like.
• Helped Charlise with a laundry gig.
• I reflected on how I evolved and self-developed without having a laptop.

October

• I got cold #1.
• More drama with aforementioned person again.
• A board member of some allistic autism organizations reported me to Twitter because I disagreed  her.
• I started going by Jane on my blog and other channels of the internet. I went by Jane at the expo, too—it felt as right as Troy and Gabriella felt singing together!
• Expo month! 😀 I need to get my post up for it.

November

• I made a list of 10 things I’d like to do by age 30.
• Cleaned off my desk (a rare occurrence).
• I tried and scratched NaNoWriMo altogether.
• Net Neutrality repeal vote announced.
• Reintroduced myself.
• Started practicing Spanish again
• Tried fluoride-free toothpaste for the first time (and my life changed forever)
• I got sick after Thanksgiving dinner.

December

• I restarted my Cool People interview series. 😀
• Concluded the Day in the Life linkup.
• Changed “Liz Lately” to “Jane Lately”.
• Visited maternal side of family (sans immediate maternal family) 23 December, and it went surprisingly well!

Stats

• Books read: 55
• Movies watched: 98 (93 new-to-me ones; 34 reviews written)

Favorites

• Books: The Marriage Pact, The Proving, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
• Movies: Bad Moms, Below Her Mouth, Hidden Figures, Moana, Storks, The Thinning
• Shows: Bill Nye Saves the World, Dear White People, The Flash, Race to the Edge (DreamWorks Dragons), Supergirl
• Food: I really loved True Lime drink mix-ins, namely the Black Cherry Limeade. Mozaics BBQ veggie chips were AMAZING. I tried Bai, and it’s pretty amazing. Definitely gotta find some of this here.
• GREEN products: Redmond Life toothpaste, my jade elephant grocery BAGGU, my stainless steel water bottle